Lee Lee's Adventures Post-Nannyland

I won't let another month pass me by...

2008-04-21T23:11:00.003+02:00

Apologies to the few that might actually check this blog on a regular basis. A former teacher of mine once said that artists are sexually frustrated. I will admit, I have neglected my journalistic duties in favor of a job search and social life.

The month of March has been momentous. Since mid-February, I have been in the process of making a very big and very difficult decision. A decision that required a change in paradigm, a commitment of faith and the courage to make my dreams reality- I decided to move to Cape Town (temporarily). I could rattle off a slew of reasons as to why this decision is the best for me at this point in my life, but let's not beat around the bush: I'm in love and I don't see an end.

Defying the laws of expiration dating was not something I had in mind when I disembarked for this trip abroad. I'll be honest, attaining a South African boyfriend was on my short list of "things to do." Not to mention an Afrikaans man would definitely earn bonus points. But I had ab.so.lute.ly no intention of anything developing into a serious, committed relationship.

I am well aware that this reality was and is one of my mother's worst fears. Her only daughter running off across the pond, falling in love, and paralleling the path of her older sister. Just like a classic novel reveals its ending in the first chapter so has Murphy's law made this fear into reality. Granted, I sympathize with my family and friends. How unfair it is to have someone you love and cherish (blush) start a new life to include a man you haven't met, in another hemisphere, and... and...

This is a choice I've made. It doesn't put anyone in harm, it offers me a new adventure in life and the opportunity to find happiness with another person. My "life partner" visa will last for three years, enough time for me to flesh out this relationship and determine my next step in life. But I'm really just in it for the world cup... (j/k)

Euphonicious: Assembly/Eskimo

2008-02-29T10:49:00.004+02:00

I spent a weekend with E and his friend B from New Zealand. Everything was musically delicious. We started off Friday with sundowners at my house (what a joy it was to entertain again!!!) followed by a crazy night of live music and not so pretentious hipster-bar hopping (take that Gaines-vegas). Saturday would not be complete without some love food at the biscuit mill market as well as camping at a music festival. I <3 CT!!!

From assembly/eskimo

We are so fabulous, we ate at a sushi bar in the middle of the woods at music fest. GINGER!

My China Girl

These photos and more are available at http://picasaweb.google.com/Lauruhn/AssemblyEskimo02

I swear I have a social life!!! (that includes my sister)

2008-02-29T10:41:00.002+02:00

Breakfast with Leaza in Tokai

Braai Master E at his mother's birthday party (evidenced by the plethora of chicken satay)

Running into friends at the Old Biscuit Mill Market

"The Family" and my family at the market

Expiration Dating

2008-02-28T16:12:00.003+02:00

It is not an uncommon phenomena among the jetset to engage in expiration dating i.e. To start a relationship that has a defined end date.* As an ED veteran, I can say the philosophy has served me well- settling with faults are never an issue when your calendar marks an end to madness. Additionally, breaking up can be amicable or an excuse for unforgivable hate-inducing behavior. Either way, both parties walk away with closure.

I am now in uncharted ED territory. In my current relationship there is no need for settling, he has no discernible faults, and enough serotonin to replicate MDMA brain scans. However, my plane ticket to Zurich on April 14 is glaring at us like a death sentence.
Ahh well. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a long shelf life on this one.

*http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=expiration+dating

Visual Ketchup

2008-02-13T14:46:00.002+02:00

Amelie's School a half English half Afrikaans school.

Thumbprint security at her school

Amelie's First Day of School

Love those Eyes!!!

A day at the Waterfront

A thinner leg!!!

Totem Stettbacher!

Making friends

Music Appreciation

Encounter of a food kind.

Happiness is a warm sun

2008-02-06T21:43:00.000+02:00

The Antidote to my Cabin Fever

2008-01-28T21:38:00.000+02:00

Just when I was about to commit the final act of desperation i.e. posting an ad on Craigslist, I was invited out by a nearly random stranger.

God bless my neighbor who passed my number on to her friend's son, V last month. After two weeks of a silent phone, I gave up on the slight chance that a random guy would drive to the ends of the earth to take out some forlorn American.

But, he ended up coming through and I was most pleasantly surprised.

V picked me up for a night on the town with some mates. My first impression was extremely positive- his stereo played local hip hop in the vein of Spank Rock. It turns out his taste in music is keenly similar to mine, a rare and highly valued quality in my book. As my father says, "music is vibration- common interest is common vibration."

Not only was V a gentleman, his friends were quite the party. Comprised of designers, students, and hipsters, they lacked nothing in the spontaneity department. I didn't even have to be overly amicable to gain their favor.

A hot summer's night in Cape Town is sultry and balmy- a prescription for late night shenanigans such as drum circles, last call at psychedelic pizzerias and skinny dips with (near) strangers.

I can't tell you how happy I felt the next evening when I joined V and his crew for another jaunt. After sixth months sans Gainesville (more-so, anyone who identifies as the same brand of crazy), its so relieving to fall in with a great bunch. That night, a similar string of events ensued concluding with dancing at a lesbian bar in the pink district. Next weekend's activity: an overnight electronic music festival.

I think my fever has finally broke.

desperate times call for desperate measures

2008-01-28T21:36:00.000+02:00

Its pretty well known that I am not a member of the church going community.
I went to church tonight.
And I have to say, the first 45 minutes were a bit awkward.
Raised Lutheran, the most conservative of Protestant faiths and schooled by Catholics, I am not accustomed to services led by 20-somethings with musical instruments. The band held the audience/congregation captive for the first half hour while prayers were sung and the tone was set for jiving with Jesus. I actually wondered if I stumbled onto the set of Saved as the crowd waved their hands up in the air and closed their eyes while the spirit of the Lord filled their aural pathways.

But the sermon was actually fantastic and made me reconsider my initial reactions. Perhaps there is more church in my future after all.

Scriing

2008-01-28T21:32:00.000+02:00

Happily asleep, dreaming about the spa, cries of death enter the picture. My heart races. Amelie?! I jump out of bed to find the girl balling outside my door.
It's 2 am and I am so sure she has woken up the entire house if not the block that I close the windows.
Her scries (cry + scream) are due to a sore throat- trauma more intense than any other temper tantrum or missing daddy episode. I try consoling her, giving her a hug, etc. These things only amount to more tears and higher pitches.
By the time I've given up on sympathy there is no turning back for sleep.
20 minutes later her crying session has been replaced by her brother Laurent's. Great. a tag team.
30 minutes later she took over again. I assume he's feeding now.
-8 points

*I never, never wish sickness on any child. Its absolutely awful for them and even more for the parents.

I'm the nun on the loveboat

2008-01-28T21:26:00.000+02:00

Whenever I see a good looking guy, I'm reminded the toddler and infant accessories catapult me into a black hole of hotness.
I'm taking care to not appear like a mom. I've buried my favorite ring in my jewelry box so I won't give off the "engaged" signal. I'm so hungry for a once over that I make it a point to not have laurent over my shoulder when the pizza delivery boy (Butler's Pizza guys are always good looking and wear tuxedos) or our pool guy come to the door.

Everyone I know with the exception of the French surgeon downstairs, is in a relationship. I'm living in the geographic equivalent of the love boat!!!
I must resign myself to the fact that the probability of obtaining a South African lover is slim.

My brother-in-law mentioned that I no longer have my pick of strapping, young single men, but have moved into the divorcee set. shame.

knick knack

2008-01-21T00:48:00.000+02:00

At my bohemian friends' party in a student borough, I realized I finally have the kiddie knack.
Two children, ages three and five were present. While the other 20-somethings interacted with the kids wearing expressions of confusion, apathy, or awe, I instinctually knew how to handle them and was not at all bothered by their demands.

Having envied the men and women who charm Amelie in two minutes, I have been waiting for this... knack... to develop for some time now. (It took two weeks for her to say my name and six weeks to achieve attachment.)
Procreation points: 5.25

As for Laurent...
he's getting bigger and smarter and fussier.
I must say God was smart to make babies so damn cute; otherwise the days of incessant crying would be enough to make me deny the existence of my reproductive system.

The crying I've endured this week is to the level that any minimization of hearing loss from not attending concerts or going to dance clubs is negated by the 64 decibel screaming baby attached to my shoulder for a good part of the day.
Procreation points: -3

To procreate or not procreate

2008-01-20T02:44:00.000+02:00

A wise friend of mine said the best contraceptive is watching other people's children. Since then, I've been reminded by the cajoling of acquaintances if this experience will make me or break me as a potential mommy. Every day I find myself vacillating between the possibility of making a family and an all out moratorium on conception.
To numerically track my feelings I've devised a metric.

The system works as follows:
Negative Points
1-3: annoying but manageable
4-6: pulling my hair out
7-9: I'm considering women
10+: bring on menopause

Positive points
1-3: awww... how cute
4-6: Its my duty for the gene pool
7-9: the rewards outweigh the suffering
10+: I see a mini me in my future

The Mom Song

2008-01-17T13:29:00.000+02:00

Because I said so...

I am Kamphey Approved

2008-01-16T22:41:00.000+02:00

Letters from Amelie

2008-01-16T22:20:00.000+02:00

Dear Grandma & Grandpa,
We are all doing very well in South Africa. Lee Lee is very nice to me even if I'm difficult sometimes. I love it when she gives me sweeties!
I'm trying to pee-pee and poo on the toilet, but its not going too well. I did manage to tell mommy that I made a b-i-g poo in Lee Lee's room. I got it all over the floor, the duvet, the curtains, and a pair of Lee Lee's favorite shorts. That was funny!
Love you,
Amelie

SWF

2008-01-13T01:25:00.000+02:00

Single-White-Female
So far two girls have reacted to this fact as if it was preposterous. My friend the dance instructor and our maid, Portia. This seems so natural to me, being young and single, especially for someone who is currently moving about the world.
But here, as opposed to Switzerland and my set, people get married- and they get married in their mid twenties. Oh the glamour of it. In the land of diamonds, magazines are filled with ads of scintillating solitaires and glittering wedding bands.

I do not find one inch of myself taken up by this. Infact, everyday I'm more and more aware of how I am quite content on my own. If I can't be whole and complete now, when will I ever be? I can see how here, locking yourself into a relationship with a male has the additional benefit of increased sexual security. South Africa has an alarming number of rape cases, and in a place where a good portion of the population has HIV, the single life is not so glamorous.

Under the Laser

2008-01-13T01:14:00.000+02:00

There is an intoxicating feeling when one realizes that some cash and a bit of pain tolerance is enough to permanently change one's body.
In the past month, I've had two laser hair removal sessions. They are going quite well. Its a rush, really- knowing you can choose where you will allow hair to grow on your body. I won't deny that its a tad bit painful. I mean, no one will argue having the moisture inside your hair follicles vaporized is a walk in the park.

Feeling this sense of empowerment over your genetics is a pretty impressive feeling. I'm giving ingrowns, razors, and aesthetically inconvenient hair the boot.

nanny 101

2008-01-12T23:57:00.000+02:00

Everyday I get a step closer to Amelie. I'm trying my hardest to come to her level to engage in play and empathise with her ability to understand the world around her.

I yelled at her today. It occurred after a sundowner swim and a gleeful cry of "poo-poos!" from Amelie. To our horror, Steph and I realized she indeed, took a shit in the pool. I was not too phased by this act, as she is a nappy-wearing 2.5 year old, but the temper tantrum that followed grated on my nerves.

During the rush of getting children and poo out of the water, Princess Amelie decided to return to the 1000 liter toilet sans arm floats. Holding Laurent as Steph fished turds from the pool floor, I attempted to verbally convey the message of NO but alas, there was no getting through to the excited toddler.

As the second foot entered the pool, I took hold of Amelie's hand while holding baby Laurent in the other. Once I retrieved her from the water, I sat down to appease the crying baby. Amelie began a screaming session centimeters from my face. I calmly explained we must take a bath since the pool had been contaminated. 40 decibals later I raised my voice which led to another 10 decibal increase. Steph cautioned that a reaction as such would only make her cry louder. I changed my approach: calm comfort. 60 decibal screaming + crying infant. At this point, I cut my losses and led Amelie to the bath without a word.

-5 points LeeLee, 1 point Amelie

Lessons learned:
1. there is no such thing as rational thought for a toddler in the midst of a temper tantrum
2. children have the super power of breaking the sound barrier standing still

2007-12-23T16:27:00.000+02:00

Until I have the time to update my blog and photos concurrently, these slideshows will have to suffice.
Enjoy!

Photo Page

Ama v. Lee Lee

2007-12-23T16:10:00.000+02:00

Mission (Im).........Possible:
From the beginning, Steph told me to choose my battles with Amelie. Its really not worth it to chide her for letting her food fall to the floor, however throwing toys and kicking are not tolerated behaviors. Today we took Amelie to Ez's house to play with her and DD's kids while the mommies had tea. Amelie was given meringues and a juice drink.

Two hours later, coming down from a sugar high Amelie worked herself into a tantrum over the hard boiled egg the gardener had for lunch. Steph and Andreas left me with the kids while they went on a shopping excursion. After several attempts at getting Amelie to eat her chicken and rice lunch she finally just fell asleep on the bed.

Even after her nap she still screamed for a hardboiled egg. When I told her no she demanded chips. An egg is one thing, but chips after a morning full of sulfites and sugar? no. way.

I chose my battle. I was determined to win.
30 minutes of crying later I had coaxed Ama to the table for some juice where a plate of rice garnished with tomatoes awaited her. She screamed for chips and then decided to eat the tomatoes. Asking for more I told her only if she ate some rice. She ate a bite of rice and I gave her another tomatoe. This bartering system worked! I got her to eat her nutritional lunch of corn, peas, rice, chicken, tomatoes, juice, and billtong (a bribe)!!!!!
1 point for LeeLee!

The History of Love/ What's in a name?

2007-12-23T16:03:00.000+02:00

I just finished reading a delightful little book titled The History of Love by Brooklynite Nicole Krauss. The book was a gift to me for my 24th birthday from my dear friend who name is homonymous with my sister's.

Its been a while since a book has brought out curiosity and even the swelling of my tear glands in myself. Its the story of several people whose lives become intertwined through a book written by a man who fell in love with a girl named Alma when he was 10. His love for her was transcribed into three languages and even the impetus for a mother and father to name their only daughter after her.

Alma. A beautiful name. Amelie. Perhaps Alma and Amelie share a root sound, the way Laurent and Lawrence are also synonymous. The way that Ashlee and Ashling are the same.

After finishing The History of Love my curiousity is piqued to dwell on the origins of my own name. I too am named after a character in a book. My namesake is Ashley from Gone with the Wind which I read the summer of my 16th year in an attempt to familiarize myself with the great southern novel.

Ashley was a man loved by two women who stayed true to his wife despite the desires of the brazen, bold and beautiful Scarlett. What was it about Ashley's character that impelled my father to name his second daughter after him? His first, Stephanie was an obvious homage to his line. But why Ashley?

I must include this note about the spelling of my name. A-S-H-L-E-E was given to me by my dear friend Anita who had the prescience to know that I would need something unique for myself.

Lessons of the Braai

2007-12-16T18:50:00.000+02:00

1) channel your inner pyro and make a fire preferably in the braai (grill).
2) check fire in 20 minutes. Make serious face and return to drinking.
2b) Check braai coals 10-15 minutes later making sure to excuse yourself at a pivotal moment in conversation.
3) spread coals
4) chuck on some ostrich, lamb, bourevous, or steak
5) braai to perfection

Braaing here is pretty equivalent to grilling in the states- everyone does it and those who don't like to cook do it more. At the very least a family will braai once per week. South Africa is home to some of the best meat in the world. The laid back culture of Kaptstadt where African time is equivalent to Latin time is conducive to last minute gatherings of neighbors joining together for meat, wine, and possibly some veggies for dinner by sunset.

Security/fingers

2007-12-16T18:40:00.000+02:00

At first it seems odd to see multiple large signs for armed security response on the houses in the neighborhood. Everyone has some sort of alarm system complete with armed response. The threat of robbery is real but it seems to not be a terribly serious issue. Cars are left parked outside, second story windows are left open, and children play within the confines of their courtyard homes.

I don't have to lift a finger
Not completely true, but, the cost of labor is cheap and our maid does the cleaning, dishes, and laundry (including ironing!). I think I can get used to this.

The family gets Chicken Pox

2007-12-16T18:34:00.000+02:00

Last Sunday Stephanie noticed a rash of bumps over her trunk after dinner at her Sveigenmutter's house. We tried to write it off as an allergic reaction to carrots. The next day, Amelie had bumps too. We had heard that a friend in the spielgroup had the CPs so we were happy to have quarantined ourselves form him the last week. Wednesday evening, they had become weltish and I found three spots on myself. We had a doctor friend check us out and declare we were all infected. I'm a bit flabbergasted myself since I had the vaccine less than 15 years ago. However, I have nothing to complain about since I've only got 3 pox.

Sharp Divide / OMG you live here!?

2007-12-16T18:23:00.002+02:00

Arriving into Capetown was a welcomed relief after living in rainy Switzerland. I never thought three weeks without sun or swimming could effect me so much. A second wind was inspired upon exiting the airport and seeing a blue horizon dotted by cumulous cloud beauty marks.

We were picked up by Steph's best friend DD and her two children aged 5 and 3. After the porter managed to stuff all 30 of our bags in the truck's flatbed, we took off into Capetown rush hour traffic at a crisp 6:50 a.m..

While the ladies caught up, I looked around at the sights. A small (less than a mile in length) shanty-town to my right, brightly painted concrete tenements to my left, and Africans e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. Walking the streets in between the cars, waiting for buses, overcrowding the beds of pick-up trucks. We were clearly in the industrial section of Kaptstadt and all of the people were on their way to work.

One $50 ticket for cell phone use and 3 screaming children later, we arrived in Blouberg. My jaw was gaped the whole time. Blouberg is a suburb situated across the bay from Tablemountain and the downtown waterfront area. The neighborhood is on a hill overlooking the bay and Tablemountain. The houses are all ultramodern impeccably landscaped pueblos. Our house looks out onto the water and Tablemountain- It is two stories with a rooftop lounge, pool and Jacuzzi. Its been two days now and I still cannot get over the beauty of the scenery. At night you can even see the twinkling of the lights from the city.

There is one aspect of nature that I am not particularly fond of: the wind. It can't even be classified as wind, more like a constant gale. I'm somewhat disappointed to be living a 10 minute walk from the beach and not be able to enjoy it out of the incessant wind and cold water.

This morning we went for a walk to the beach. While this beach lacks the charming qualities of Florida and Caribbean beaches i.e. powder white sand, warm water, lolling waves, and attractive half-naked people, the beach on the Cape has pebbles, cold water, a hard surf, rocks, and few people. There are, however, a few kite-surfers and surfers dotting the shore line. The beach is still spectacular. The rocks make for a delightful playground for the brave set against the deep blue bay and the dramatic backdrop of Tablemountain. It is plain to see why Sir Francis Drake named Kaptstadt the most beautiful cape in the world.

A word on Tablemountain:
It is a flat mountain that holds the city at its base. I watch the clouds roll over the mountain- they look like an intricate lace flapping in the breeze.

From CapePics1

The summation of this landscape, the mountain, the water, the horizon, and the birds is a continual drama of life. Here, you cannot lose vigor, strength or drive to live. The birds chirp in the trees, the sunlight spills throughout the house, and the breeze captivates your hair. It would be a sin for one to be asked to leave this place. I now understand why my sister chose to live here rather than return home.

Melkpos Beach at Sunset

LeeLee learns a lesson on toddlers

2007-12-16T18:23:00.001+02:00

I'm going to be honest here: I've never really been kind in my thoughts to screaming children, especially on planes. Well, I learned my lesson. No matter how hard you try, there is a point where you cannot control a child. While Laurent was a superb traveling companion, I cannot say the same for Amelie. Somehow she transformed her tiredness into some kind of speed. I have never seen her so cracked out before and we even monitored her sweetie intake. But, you know, its really hard to get angry at a two year old brain after 22 hours of traveling. I mean, not many adults can actually handle it.

I discovered the limit to my patience. It occurs 5 minutes after the pilot has turned on the fastened seat belt sign and the flight attendant has twice reminded you to secure your child yet she is still threatening to run down the aisle screaming bloody murder as the plane is taxiing.

From this experience, I will never again grimace or complain about unruly children and their assumed lackadaisical parents.

On a positive note, I think this exercise in nanny-land is giving me some thicker skin in concentration. Just last September the sound of sucking made me forget every second of thought.
June LSAT, here I come.

homeopathy

2007-12-16T18:16:00.001+02:00

My last two days in Switzerland included two homeopathic treatments. If my diagnosis was anything like Star Trek, well beam me up Scotty, cause I'm living in the space age.
(to be concluded)

LeeLee goes on a date

2007-12-16T18:15:00.000+02:00

Not only did I have a blast Saturday night, I met a nice Swiss guy who took me out for tea my last evening in Bern. A friend of the model, he plays guitar in one of Bern's indie synth-rock bands. He is also a serious mechanical engineering student. Despite the fact I was teaching English the whole time, I give this date a 7/10 rating for character, intelligence, propriety, charm, and attraction. I'm sure we'll meet again when I return to Bern.

My date and I at the Gangsta party

Gangsta Suisse

2007-12-16T18:13:00.000+02:00

Saturday night I went out with the model and his friends to a the Bierhubeli, a hip hop dj night. To poke fun at the Bernese wiggers, the model and his hipster friends decided to dress up like gangstas. I was advised to do the same. While I lacked key wardrobe components such as ice, daisy dukes, and my four inch wedges, I managed to pull off a pretty hot Miami-inspired get up complete with my Christian Dior saddle bag and my token cowboy boots (a godsend walking in the rainy cobblestone streets of Bern).
I was not prepared to the lengths these guys went, in other words, Gainesville theme parties have nothing on them.

>

Word of the day: arschgewei

2007-12-07T01:50:00.000+02:00

My first week in Switzerland I made it a point to learn what I call table German- vocabulary necessary for feeding yourself at dinner.

This past week I have moved onto bar-German. While discussing trends in tattoos with the model we discovered a common theme in tattoos for American and Swiss females. The affectionately labeled American Tramp Stamp is called the Arschgewei in Swiss German meaning butt antler. I'm sorry, this was just too hilarious of a term to not publish.

Lee Lee goes on an (un)date.

2007-12-07T01:48:00.000+02:00

For being a quite uneventful day I had two very nice highlights.

1) Sennheiser Headphones: Best deal in Switzerland. I bought $150 German kevlar reinnforced head phones for 90 francs ($80). Pure. Aural. Pleasure. Note to audiophiles: Buy Sennheiser PX 200 and you too can experience bass induced auralgasms.

2) (un)date with a Swiss-American model.
I went out on with the model 3 years or so on a previous visit to Bern. Tonight he took me shopping and bar hopping. Quite a fun guy, who in-spite of his love for shoes, pension for tight jeans and too hip for thou haircut, just likes to let loose and have a good time. What more could a girl want? Except that minor detail labeled girlfriend.

The Wine Tasting

2007-12-06T13:48:00.000+02:00

First of all, receiving the wine was an ordeal in itself. Originally scheduled to arrive Monday morning, it finally made it to the house Wednesday afternoon, four hours before the tasting.

After twice sending trucks that were too big to make it through the narrow street, the shipping company sent a large truck once again Wednesday morning. We all just wondered how could a shipping company mess up three times by sending the wrong truck? Well, they believed the issue would be ameliorated by sending a smaller truck, however they would first have to return to Basel and transfer the two wine pallets. We couldn't really object even though the past two days had been ruined waiting for the never arriving wine.

Finally the wine arrived Wednesday at 3. Not surprisingly, they sent a large truck again. However the young strapping drivers deftly navigated the construction area and narrow street in revers to deliver us the wine.

When I say two pallets of wine I mean to say I have never seen so much wine in my life. We unloaded box after box of wine direct from South Africa.

Unfortunately, several bottles were missing. These bottles weren't just any bottles. These bottles were the equivalent of commissioned paintings. Eight magnums (!!!) of wine composed specially to age 15 years for the tastes of Amelie. Of all the hundreds of bottles of wine the priceless ones were stolen.
Not even American Express can replace that.

LeeLee goes to the doctor

2007-12-04T13:36:00.000+02:00

It is a well known fact that I have a horrendous cough. Years ago I developed my signature bronchial bark. While moving out of Gainesville in August my throat clearing intensified into an all-out expungement of phlegm. While this problem is no longer as frequent it is exacerbated by milk and cheese. Obviously, this is a issue as cream, cheese and chocolate are dietary staples in Switzerland.

Following an incident involving fodue, Andreas suggested that I visit his mother, a homeopathic doctor. After being promised that no needles would be involved to determine my allergies I agreed to a visit.

Thursday, I went into town and walked to her office overlooking the future bear park. Its a brilliant little space in a 13th century building. Seated in a cream scandinavian recliner, I noticed a bookshelf with German medical journals and lots of little blue vials containing what I assume to be oils or liquid vitamins. On my left were two machines- one had small glass vials with different objects in them in a radial pattern and the other machine looked like a midi board.

To diagnose me, my doctor waved a wand-like object over my stomach while turning the dial of glass vials. She repeated this several times sighed and said... "oh... you can't eat anything... except potatoes." Then she hooked two metal cylinders up to the other machine and had me hold them while she sent a current through me. She replaced one with a metal pen which she pressed onto the edges of my fingernails on my right hand.

I just sat there, mildly uncomfortable, wondering what is going on, what are these things and how did I end up on the Star Trek medical deck?

At the end of my session she told me that she'd have Stephanie explain everything to me and I am not to eat any wheat or dairy products. So I can't have bread, pasta, chocolate, cheese, milk or butter for the next two weeks. AHHH!

Gymboree and Tierpark

2007-12-04T11:41:00.000+02:00

Last Wednesday I attended Amelie's Gymboree. Even though the group was for English speakers I felt like an alien- completely out of place in a world full of children, babies and mommies. This feeling intensified when I was mistaken for the mommy of Laurent. "Oh no! He's not mine. I'm just holding him for my sister," I said. Interacting with one child is fine, but it takes an extra sense to be aware of all the 2 footers running around on the floor. I tried so hard not to step on them.

I chatted for a bit with one of the American mothers. Its very difficult to make small talk on little known subjects without liquid encouragement. On the spot, I racked my mind for the things one is supposed to discuss about babies, like how many months, their weight, changing nappies... I couldn't think of many things to say about a person that does nothing but eat, sleep and poo besides the adjectives of cute and adorable. I'm hoping that in a months time his capabilities will expand and I'll have more to discuss.

When it was time to sing songs I actually jumped at the chance of sitting alone on the couch with the sleeping Laurent. I had thought this would be my favorite activity but in fact I was overwhelmed by all the children. Baby steps in Nannyland.

After Gymboree, we went for a walk down to the Tierpark (animal park) with Stephanie's friend and her two year old daughter. We brought a bag of chestnuts to feed the reindeer. Its really quite amazing to hand feed this mythical (to a Floridian) animal. Unfortunately the father was not up for receiving treats from two screaming toddlers and three woman in giant coats. It would have been splendid to see his antlers separated by just a chainlink fence.

Next stop in the Tierpark was the flamingo pond. Really quite surprising to find flamingos in near freezing weather. We talked to the keeper who explained that flamingos are fine in the cold until the water freezes- then they run the risk of breaking their legs.

There were plenty more animals to see at the Tierpark, however our hunger surmounted any desire to see them. We took lunch by the river and then made our way home.

The Onion Festival

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The Onion Festival as I understand it:
This festival is really a craft show without taxes. The traditions include buying onion and garlic ornamentations, wearing candy "bead" necklaces twisted like onions, and an all-out confetti war. It began years ago when the people of Bern were heavily taxed to fund a war. They were given one tax free day and hence the onion festival began. The market is a big event, people come from all around Switzerland and arrive as early as 4 in the morning. We did not.

On our way into town for the onion market. Amelie insisted on bringing her own pram.

The Bern Bear Pit

Mom, Laurent and I

We strolled in at noon and wandered around the markets. We ate lunch and by the time we left the restaurant, school had let out. Big mistake.

The cobblestone streets were now covered in confettti spanning the colors of the rainbow plus precious metals. We were constantly dodging confetti guns on our path back through town. Mom began to get upset when an unruly student threw confetti at her face. Amelie was not having it either. I, on the other hand found the whole event rather exciting and enjoyed the multitude of paper accumulated in my hair.

The big clock in the middle of town

The iconic church spier

Bern, sunset

Thanksgiving

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We decided to hold our Swiss Thanksgiving on Sunday evening. For this fabulously kitschy even we brought Stouffer's Stuffing, Kirby''s Pumpkin Pie Mix, French fried onions and Alabama Muscadine table wine (yuck!).

We began our day with the dissapointing revelation that the pretty dyed eggs we bought at the store yesterday were hardboiled. What is an American family in Bern going to do when all the grocery stores are closed!? That's right, go to the local 24 hour farm!

Amelie with the cows

Its really quite fitting that there is a farm on every street corner. The farm is about a two minute drive from the house and has fresh eggs, milk, sausage and syrups available from a vending machine. You can also walk through the stables and see the cows who each have their own pens and plaques inscribed with their name and birthdate.

My favorite cow, Rosalie

The Ponies

We could not celebrate Thanksgiving without our 50 franc turkey weighing in at 8 lbs. Our resident surgeon did the honor of cutting the turkey.

Mom and Laurent

Post-Thanksgiving Feats of Strength

Stephanie and I

The Papillorama

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Last Friday we took a trip to the Swiss TropicaLand which featured a butterfly garden and nocturnal zoo. It was quite fabulous to slip into tropical weather when its raining and grey outside. The nocturnal museum was quite a thrill- I greatly enjoyed wandering through the bat caves and watching the ocelots.

Grandmama, Grandpapa and Amelie

Grandmama, Stephanie, Amelie and Laurent

That night we had fondue chinois which is the thinly sliced boiled meat dipped into sauces. We had turkey, beef and at Dad's request, horse.

Meet the Children

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My nanny name: Lee Lee. how amazing. to quell confusing the begining vowels of my name with Amelie's, my name has been bowdlerized to Lee Lee. To be honest, I was hoping for Ashie or Asha, but I'll take what I can get.

My first expereince with Laurent went well- I was able to soothe him by waltzing while singing joni mitchell and ella fitzgerald. Once he calmed down, I played some obscure Australian pop which he enjoyed. I've surmised that infants aren't too hard.
Amelie was another story. She's a little shy and cried when I squeezed in next to her in the car. But once I established that my favorite color was also pink and we shared enthusiasm for My Little Pony, I was accepted.

Contrary to what some people think, changing "nappies" is not a problem for me. After volunteering at the Suncoast bird refuge in Tampa where cleaning Pelican poo, dead fish and other unmentionable delicacies lead to a two week long case of scabies, changing diapers is a welcome task.

Falling in love:
I never really understood this concept of falling in love with a baby. His deep brown eyes, the warmth of his little hand, and the fact that he doesn't blink must've contributed to swelling I felt in my heart. He's a wonderful little one. I'm so impressed with the amount he advances on a daily basis. I'm so impressed by the way he calms down when I perform a certain vocal exercise. I'm so impressed with his babyness and ability to communicate.

Amelie is another story. Her favorite word is "no" and she is constantly in want of things ranging from endless bubble blowing sessions to incessant viewings of Dora the Explorer. I suppose this is typical of a child her age and in fact I should be grateful becuase of her good manners and generally positive disposition. We have had some good bonding experiences and to be honest, I'm a sucker for her "play" breakfast when she awakes me in the morning.

Introduction

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a) I am not naturally inclined towards children
b) My child rearing skills are limited to an undergraduate course in applied behavioral psychology and the dog whisperer.
c) I have a masters degree in international business administration.

That being said, we can easily establish that I am overeducated and under-qualified.
But who am I to complain? After all, this stint in Nanny-land has plucked me out of the daily drone of American life, into Switzerland and soon enough, South Africa. This is an opportunity I have waited years for and arriving just when I completed my masters degree in international business, I could not resist.

The past four months, anticipation sat on my shoulder like Christmas day for a 6 year old in the suburbs.

I am nannying for my sister Stephanie's family composed of her husband Andreas, their two year old daughter Amelie Sarah Rae and their two month old son Laurent Alexander. Two dogs call this family their own- Tara and Braska. They live in Bern, Switzerland and keep a house in Capetown, South Africa. I will be accompanying them on their exile from the harsh Swiss winter to the sunny summer in Capetown.

The residence was built in the 1920s and is located in a suburb of Bern. Its typical swiss style with white plaster, green shutters and carved wooden balconies. Its located on a hill overlooking a field with sheep, cows and horses, train tracks, and the forest. The house is three stories plus basement with a wine tasting bar in the attic (they import SA wines), A master bedroom, the kids room, the office and the nursery on the 2 floor. My room overlooks the hillside and opens onto the uber cute balcony. The house also boasts a jewelry studio, wine cellar, sauna, and guest bedroom in the basement.
The garden includes a grill patio, pool and jacuzzi.

The weather:
Its not actively snowing but there is snow on the hills and some rooftops. Its really dreary here, but the mountains in the distance make up for any lack of sun. There is an ever moving foggy haze, casting an air of magic over the land.

From Switzerland W...

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